The one about Perspective

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” ~Alphonse Karr

I am not shy of saying that the keys to a happy life are perspective and gratitude. I think without either of these virtues it is difficult to be blessed with so many of the insights and experiences that define happiness. But I suppose in thinking about perspective, I might be accused of over simplifying things…maybe. Perspective means more than just the obvious, but often unhelpful, knowledge that someone always has it worse. That often hardly matters in life when you are going through a rough patch and it can be eye-roll worthy when someone, albeit with the best of intentions, tries to cajole you into happiness by reminding you of others more poignant misery. But perspective is more than just the way you perceive your reality based on your place in the world. It is the recognition that no matter what you may be going through, there are others who are walking the same journey. This is not to compare ourselves as having it better or worse, but to understand that even though it may feel like it, we are not alone on any journey. Human nature craves shared experiences. It is why we gravitate to people who are like us or who share our values. There is comfort in familiarity. And sometimes those shared experiences are the ones that bring us about as far from happiness as we could ever imagine. But in the midst of that blinding chaos, proper perspective can help us stop asking ‘why me’ and start realizing that’s the wrong question. Why not you? Why not any of us? It is all of us! The unfortunate part of our humanity means we all experience hardships and some people fight battles we will never even know. Proper perspective does not mean we simply relish in the fact that others may be more miserable than we are. It’s the understanding that sometimes we have to accept these hardships as a part of this amazing life we get to live. And that if we truly look around, maybe we might see goodness and grace in the face of tragedy or hardship. In that neighbor who brought you food when your loved one passed away because he remembers the kindness of strangers and friends who did the same for him. In that friend you haven’t heard from in years who sent a card when you got out of the hospital because she understands how scared you were. In the coworker who maybe said the wrong thing, but still offered you a shoulder to cry on because he too had been through hell. In the text from a friend that made you laugh at just the right time because that was something that once helped her stop crying and smile through tears. In the person who patted you on the shoulder and said, yeah I’ve been there done that and it sucks, but you’ll get through it too. That kind of perspective can make hardships easier to bear when we stop thinking as a victim of our circumstances and start thinking as a human with the unyielding ability to persevere. That’s perspective. It’s not denying the pain or hurt or tragedy. Nor is it lessening it by comparing it to others who have it worse. It’s understanding that in the expansive darkness that often colors our humanity, sometimes we must supply our own bright light… and if we are lucky, we will get to share that light with others who need it too.