Earlier this week, my 8-year-old son made his first reconciliation in the Catholic church. He had been quite excited about this for days beforehand, which struck me as a little odd. Not that he shouldn’t be excited to receive a sacrament in our church tradition, but it’s always been my experience that kids are generally nervous about this one. Afterall, you have to talk about all the bad things you’ve done! That can be daunting to anyone, let alone a child. I asked my son why he was so excited and he said, “Because I get to go back to zero, Mom.”
Back to zero. I thought about that all week and when he did finally receive the sacrament he came back to sit with our family again. I asked him how he felt now that he was all finished. He had the biggest smile on his face and was radiantly happy. He said, “It’s such a good feeling. It’s traveling all the way down my insides.” At that, I hugged him and reminded him what the priest had said only moments before, “Jesus picks us up and carries us when we need him to.” He said, “Yes, I feel it.” Even his older sister looked at me and said with a smile, “He’s looks so happy!” It was… heartwarming. And just the reminder this adult needed about the power of forgiveness. Of getting back to zero.
Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things to ask for and can sometimes be even harder to give. We live in a world that celebrates the exact opposite. Never apologize, never let go of slights. Some see asking or conferring forgiveness as a sign of weakness. A sign you are just meant to be walked all over. But it’s exactly the opposite. It’s one of the greatest signs of strength there is. Asking someone for forgiveness when you’ve truly wronged them shows courage and determination. Conferring it on someone who has wronged you shows grace, understanding, and compassion. Neither mean we forget, but they mean we can move on from our mistakes and slights and hurts to start back at zero. Yes, we will likely screw up again. But making forgiveness a daily part of lives can mean we all walk like my son did from the confessional, with a beaming smile and a feeling in our insides that can only be described as peace.
It’s not easy. And I am surely guilty of not always living up to the words I am writing here. But seeing the effect forgiveness had on my son, whose greatest sin in life thus far was acting up in class or being mean to his sister, is something that I will always use as a reminder of the blessings of forgiveness and the power it can have in adding to our happiness. The freedom from past mistakes. The freedom from grudges and slights. The freedom to be able to say “Yes, I made a mistake but it doesn’t have to define my life in shame.”
It’s evident, especially in the current culture, that there is far too little forgiveness in this world. And we can all stand to be a little more like all those innocent 2nd graders were this week and see forgiveness for what it is, not a weakness to be condemned, but a strength to be celebrated. It’s the freedom to be made whole again, whether you’re the one being forgiven or doing the forgiving. It’s the chance to get back to zero.
Elizabeth Banak Books 