Tag: happiness

The one about bubble lights

Elizabeth Banak

It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year that we act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be. ~Francis Xavier Cross

Bubble lights are basically the lava lamp of Christmas… just as retro too. If you’ve never seen one before, a bubble light is just what it sounds like, a bulb with a long tube filled with water that bubbles when lit. That’s it. Nothing incredible or particularly memorable. Except that bubble lights are pretty much the most amazing thing to ever grace a Christmas tree! I won’t even argue with anyone about it. It’s a fact (cue the fact-checkers!).

For me, the magic of bubble lights isn’t so much what they are, but rather what they remind me of when I see them. Looking at one is kind of like replaying memories from childhood about Christmas in my head. I remember very few of the presents I received as a kid. But I will never forget once the tree was up, staring at a stupid bubble light and having that feeling of excitement wash over me. I will never forget sitting at the top of the stairs with my siblings waiting to hear the music that signalled we were allowed to come down on Christmas morning. I’ll never forget putting up the Christmas village with my parents as they added a new house every year and I struggled to figure how to make all the lights work with their janky old extension cords without starting a small fire (this is still an issue to this day for the record!). I’ll never forget watching Scrooged with my brothers about 30 times between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ll never forget all those Christmas Eve’s with a table full of food and bread pudding and thinking it was the most amazing day of the entire year. We all have those memories… those throwbacks to our childhood that we somehow try to recreate to make just as magical for our own children. Our tree still has bubble lights, and we make the kids wait to hear All Around the Christmas Tree before they come downstairs.

It truly is the simplest traditions that often mean the most as we look back on past Christmases and say, “Ah those were the days!” That’s because what our good memories offer us is that intrinsic feeling that Christmas ignites. It’s such a special time of year and for so many people it celebrates the birth of the Savior and, in that, a ray of hope that never dies. Because Christmas, what it represents, what it stands for, stripped down to its core is eternal hope… that ultimate desire for good. Hope is the reason humanity succeeds, the whole reason we strive to be better and do better. Hope is the beacon lighting the way to the future. Perhaps that’s why we often look so longingly and lovingly at the past. It’s the chance to see that hope we had as children realized into the life we have today. It may not be perfect and it may not be easy or exactly what we expected. But it’s wonderfully ours to live and continue to hope for the next good thing, no matter what life throws at us. 

At Christmas, I think we all strive a bit more to live that hope in kindness, generosity, and laughter. So whether it’s a bubble light, Christmas mass, a favorite movie, a song, or a plate full of food that takes you back to those days when unfettered hope made you so happy, strive to live that hope again at Christmas. Be the adult the kid in you always hoped you would be, even if only for a few hours. It’s the least we can do in gratitude for the Ultimate Gift we were all given on this day. Merry Christmas and God Bless!

The one about Thanksgiving

Elizabeth Banak

I have often found that people going through the worst of times are often the most grateful. That seems counter-intuitive, but like most things, gratitude is easier to feel when you’ve overcome hardships to arrive at a place where you can be grateful, maybe not for what you endured, but for those who were with you while you had to endure it. It’s easier to be grateful when you have the perspective of what it means to lean on others even if it was hard to do, or ask for help even if you didn’t want to, because those moments humble us. They make us realize that we all need a little help to make it through, no matter how strong, rich, weak, or poor we might be. 

In a world that can really suck sometimes, the idea of an entire day devoted to being grateful is a true gift. Not just because we should stop and take time to be thankful for what we have, but because gratitude is a gateway to happiness. It is a foundation for a life less about being mired in the bad times and more about celebrating those things that lift us up, give us hope, and help make us whole. 

Gratitude isn’t always easy. Sometimes we have to look incredibly hard to find that glimmer. But it’s always there. Maybe in a kind word from a friend, or a hug from a child, or a simple text from a coworker. Maybe it’s nothing spectacular at all. Maybe it’s receiving a gift you never expected. Or mourning a loved one while remembering all the joy they brought to your life. Opportunities for gratitude are around us everyday, in ways big and small. Opening our eyes to them is sometimes the hard part. But there is nothing more rewarding than that feeling of being grateful in the face of good times and bad, not just because it’s Thanksgiving, but because when we make gratitude a way of life, we will find more moments for which to be truly grateful. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

The one about getting back to zero

Elizabeth Banak

Earlier this week, my 8-year-old son made his first reconciliation in the Catholic church. He had been quite excited about this for days beforehand, which struck me as a little odd. Not that he shouldn’t be excited to receive a sacrament in our church tradition, but it’s always been my experience that kids are generally nervous about this one. Afterall, you have to talk about all the bad things you’ve done! That can be daunting to anyone, let alone a child. I asked my son why he was so excited and he said, “Because I get to go back to zero, Mom.”

Back to zero. I thought about that all week and when he did finally receive the sacrament he came back to sit with our family again. I asked him how he felt now that he was all finished. He had the biggest smile on his face and was radiantly happy. He said, “It’s such a good feeling. It’s traveling all the way down my insides.” At that, I hugged him and reminded him what the priest had said only moments before, “Jesus picks us up and carries us when we need him to.” He said, “Yes, I feel it.” Even his older sister looked at me and said with a smile, “He’s looks so happy!” It was… heartwarming. And just the reminder this adult needed about the power of forgiveness. Of getting back to zero.

Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things to ask for and can sometimes be even harder to give. We live in a world that celebrates the exact opposite. Never apologize, never let go of slights. Some see asking or conferring forgiveness as a sign of weakness. A sign you are just meant to be walked all over. But it’s exactly the opposite. It’s one of the greatest signs of strength there is. Asking someone for forgiveness when you’ve truly wronged them shows courage and determination. Conferring it on someone who has wronged you shows grace, understanding, and compassion. Neither mean we forget, but they mean we can move on from our mistakes and slights and hurts to start back at zero. Yes, we will likely screw up again. But making forgiveness a daily part of lives can mean we all walk like my son did from the confessional, with a beaming smile and a feeling in our insides that can only be described as peace.

It’s not easy. And I am surely guilty of not always living up to the words I am writing here. But seeing the effect forgiveness had on my son, whose greatest sin in life thus far was acting up in class or being mean to his sister, is something that I will always use as a reminder of the blessings of forgiveness and the power it can have in adding to our happiness. The freedom from past mistakes. The freedom from grudges and slights. The freedom to be able to say “Yes, I made a mistake but it doesn’t have to define my life in shame.”

It’s evident, especially in the current culture, that there is far too little forgiveness in this world. And we can all stand to be a little more like all those innocent 2nd graders were this week and see forgiveness for what it is, not a weakness to be condemned, but a strength to be celebrated. It’s the freedom to be made whole again, whether you’re the one being forgiven or doing the forgiving. It’s the chance to get back to zero.

The one about the joy of grief

Elizabeth Banak

What is grief, if not love persevering? – Vision

Nine years ago today, I lost my mother to cancer. It is not an understatement to say that it was probably the worst time in my life. I lost my best friend, my cheerleader, my rock, and the woman who helped shape me into the person I am today.

In just a few short weeks we will all commemorate the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and wonder where the time went as we reflect on that terrible day. We will remember with sadness those people who died, a country that mourned, and a wound that may have healed but that still leaves a scar. 

It’s very easy to look back on both of those times in my life and be sad. There is no question that the loss and pain felt when we experience grief is one of the most distinct and painful feelings in the world. Because it isn’t just mourning the loss, it’s dealing with the anger, the fear, and the loss of hope at time when we need it most. Those are things grief leaves us with or takes from us and it’s easy to hold on to those feelings forever because there is some measure of comfort in those feelings of helplessness. There’s a measure of comfort in channeling anger at God or others. There’s a measure of comfort in the feeling of guilt every time you laugh or smile when you’re supposed to be sad.  

But as life moves on, as it always does, I have found that the grief blessedly shifts, though it never fully goes away. But when I think about my mom today, I don’t feel sad anymore about what I lost, but a distinct joy for what I was given in having her in the first place. That’s a gift that only time and healing can give and it’s not a place that is easy to get to and feel normal. But if I learned anything from 9/11 and losing my mom it’s that life will continue on whether I want it to or not. And only I can choose how I want that life to be in the wake of tragedy and loss. 

We all will eventually walk the same well-worn path of grief in life. It’s a part of the human condition that is universal and one that should be something that brings us together in the recognition that we are all one cancer diagnosis, car accident, illness, or terror attack away from that grief. That doesn’t mean we live in fear or hopelessness, but rather that we take the time to acknowledge what we have in front of us so that one day when we have to suffer through the grief, we can do so with the joy and peace of knowing we didn’t waste a moment. That we didn’t leave anything unsaid. That we loved as we should. Those memories that we will cherish will be the ones that lift us up, put a smile on our faces, and make us look back and say, ‘yes, I suffered a terrible loss, but damn if I am not eternally grateful for the time I had!’ That’s how I can think of my mom today and be at happy. It will never be enough and I will never stop missing her, but I’d rather remember her with joy and thankfulness in my heart than sadness. It’s no less than her legacy deserves. 

Grief is painful and personal. We will all walk our own path and in our own time. And I know not everyone may get to where I am as they mourn. But what I’ve discovered over the last nine years is that grief is love refusing to give up. Grief is love enduring on. And when the time is right, when you’ve moved past the anger, fear, and sadness, that’s a pretty amazing thing to be left with. I have no doubt that the ones we have lost would, in time, want us to embrace the joy of grief and remember them with a smile, rather than tears.

The one about Father’s Day!

Elizabeth Banak

Father’s Day is always marked with endless ads that remind us that real dads use tools, grill stuff, and for some reason (at least according to the marketing team at Home Depot and Lowe’s) really want a parade of yard gadgets just seem like an awful lot of work! Ha, I guess that’s the price you pay for the privilege of being a dad! You pretend to love the power tool while secretly wondering what the hell you’re ever going to do with it. 

But in truth, Father’s Day will always be about so much more than gifts or cards. I make no overstatement when I say that Father’s Day is a time to celebrate some of the most important men in the world. The men who are always putting others before themselves in a brilliant attempt to show their children what it means to be a good human. Because before any man can be a great father, he must first be a good man. And those good men that choose to be the father’s that we celebrate today are one of the great pillars that hold our households together, our neighborhoods together, and our society together. They hold our children’s lives together with wisdom, love, and understanding. They may not always know what they are doing, and they may not get everything right all the time. But that’s part of the wonder that makes dad’s so special. Even though they are often imperfect, father’s are never more perfect than in the eyes of their children who look up to them only to see a hero, a protector, and a good man. Happy Father’s day to all the amazing dads out there who show up day in and day out to be a man their children can look up to, love, and respect. May you be blessed enough to one day have the privilege of hearing your children telling your grandchildren just how lucky they were to have the most amazing dad ever!

The One About Friends…yes, those Friends!

Elizabeth Banak

Nostalgia is a powerful thing. That longing, wistful affection for days gone by snags all of us time and again and often brings with it a nod to a happy time or place. What nostalgia makes us feel can’t always be explained with words, much to my chagrin (though, clearly I’ll try!). I’ve been thinking about nostalgia lately as frivolous news of the Friends Reunion broke, causing endless excitement among long time fans of the series who could not BE more excited! It’s no surprise this kind of event brings about such widespread anticipation (and in case the blog titles didn’t give it away, I’m a huge fan!). People who watched the show in its heyday, remember it fondly as funny and iconic. It was and still is both of those things. But that alone isn’t always enough to stoke nostalgia in our hearts. People aren’t waiting in an impatient frenzy simply to hear Chandler’s sarcasm again or to finally put the “we were on a break” debate to rest or even to hear iconic phrases like, “I know!” and “How you doin?” again. Fans will remember and enjoy all that. But what makes the reunion idea itself so special is that feeling of nostalgia. Of being transported back to a time when it wasn’t so much that you watched Friends in college, but that you remember watching it sitting around a tiny dorm-room TV laughing together. Or maybe it was the first show you watched as a married couple just starting out. Or while going through a rough time in life, you caught endless reruns on TBS that brought a smile to your face to lift you up one half-hour at a time. That’s the power of things that connect us back to the past. It’s the ability to transport us back to old familiar feelings and make us say, wow, those were good days. It’s that urge to text your friend because you just watched the one with Ross’s paste pants and it still kills you every time. It’s that feeling that no matter how much time passes or what life may throw at you, there will always be something so very simple that has the power to give you good feelings and a bit of joy. And maybe Friends was never your thing. Maybe your show was Golden Girls, or Seinfeld, or Game of Thrones, or Cheers, or The Dick Van Dyke Show, or Fresh Prince of Bel Air, or any one of a hundred other iconic shows that aren’t really all that important in the grand scheme of life, except for the fact that they leave an imprint on our hearts sometimes. And that imprint can last a lifetime, not just because the show was funny or heartwarming, but because we remember those we shared it with. We look back to those times with a fond remembrance and hearty gratitude that there is sometimes a good deal of meaning in frivolous things. Nostalgia lets us remember why things like Pivot!, English trifle, he’s her lobster, wack PlayStation, 18-page letters (front and back!), and Wooopah! are not only hilarious, but comforting reminders of days we will always remember in years that went by too fast.

The one about Perspective

Elizabeth Banak

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” ~Alphonse Karr

I am not shy of saying that the keys to a happy life are perspective and gratitude. I think without either of these virtues it is difficult to be blessed with so many of the insights and experiences that define happiness. But I suppose in thinking about perspective, I might be accused of over simplifying things…maybe. Perspective means more than just the obvious, but often unhelpful, knowledge that someone always has it worse. That often hardly matters in life when you are going through a rough patch and it can be eye-roll worthy when someone, albeit with the best of intentions, tries to cajole you into happiness by reminding you of others more poignant misery. But perspective is more than just the way you perceive your reality based on your place in the world. It is the recognition that no matter what you may be going through, there are others who are walking the same journey. This is not to compare ourselves as having it better or worse, but to understand that even though it may feel like it, we are not alone on any journey. Human nature craves shared experiences. It is why we gravitate to people who are like us or who share our values. There is comfort in familiarity. And sometimes those shared experiences are the ones that bring us about as far from happiness as we could ever imagine. But in the midst of that blinding chaos, proper perspective can help us stop asking ‘why me’ and start realizing that’s the wrong question. Why not you? Why not any of us? It is all of us! The unfortunate part of our humanity means we all experience hardships and some people fight battles we will never even know. Proper perspective does not mean we simply relish in the fact that others may be more miserable than we are. It’s the understanding that sometimes we have to accept these hardships as a part of this amazing life we get to live. And that if we truly look around, maybe we might see goodness and grace in the face of tragedy or hardship. In that neighbor who brought you food when your loved one passed away because he remembers the kindness of strangers and friends who did the same for him. In that friend you haven’t heard from in years who sent a card when you got out of the hospital because she understands how scared you were. In the coworker who maybe said the wrong thing, but still offered you a shoulder to cry on because he too had been through hell. In the text from a friend that made you laugh at just the right time because that was something that once helped her stop crying and smile through tears. In the person who patted you on the shoulder and said, yeah I’ve been there done that and it sucks, but you’ll get through it too. That kind of perspective can make hardships easier to bear when we stop thinking as a victim of our circumstances and start thinking as a human with the unyielding ability to persevere. That’s perspective. It’s not denying the pain or hurt or tragedy. Nor is it lessening it by comparing it to others who have it worse. It’s understanding that in the expansive darkness that often colors our humanity, sometimes we must supply our own bright light… and if we are lucky, we will get to share that light with others who need it too.

The One Where She Explains the Blog Title

Elizabeth Banak

I’m an eternal sucker for a good catchphrase. A good catchphrase can embody so much about a person in only several simple words and I find it fascinating. This brings me to the blog title. The “It’s Just Off the Blog” title is a riff on a favorite saying of my mom’s, which was, “It’s just off the trees.” Being the camping family that we were (and still are), we took many family trips over the years. Undoubtedly, the time would come where it would rain and anyone who has ever been camping will tell you… it straight up sucks! But, if you’re a mother of six, you never let a little thing like rain get you down. So, it could be pouring out and we’d be sitting in our pop-up Palomino playing a board game and pretending not to notice my brother abjectly cheating as we waited for the rain to stop. And almost like clockwork, when the complaints would reach a fever pitch or novelty of Monopoly in a camper wore off, Mom would always look out at the rain and say unfailingly, “Don’t worry, it’s just coming down off the trees now.” I could never honestly tell whether she was trying to convince herself or us. To this day, whenever it rains when we camp, me or one of my siblings will inevitably say, “It’s just off the trees” in honor of our mom who is no longer here to enjoy those moments that meant so much to her. “It’s just off the trees” embodies so much about who my mom was, even though at the time I had no idea that those five words, so effortlessly strung together by a woman who was simply attempting to make the best of things, would have such a profound effect on me. Those words are so much more now that I’ve had the life experience to understand just what it takes to keep a family happy and together. It’s learning to bear disappointments together. It’s coming together in the bad times or the annoying times or the stressful times and saying, ‘Hey ya know what, this may be crap, but at least we’re together!’ I don’t think my mom meant for her words to be that profound. It took me until I was an adult to see the unintended metaphor. Life gives you rain. And oftentimes, that rain is enough to ruin a whole lot. But if you’re lucky, there will be someone there to remind you with a well-timed catchphrase that a lot of good things can still happen in the midst of a passing storm. And, inevitably, the rain stops. And when it does, your happiness won’t be determined by the storm itself, but in how you weathered it. Do you accept it as part of life and then move on, or do you lament the injustice and decide the rain has ruined too much to ever find joy in the thing it ruined ever again? It’s a choice. We all make those little choices everyday, sometimes in small, annoying ways, and sometimes in life-altering ones that can redefine our lives. And yes, those lessons can all be contained in five small words that never knew their own significance when they were uttered. But that’s the thing about a good catchphrase. It always becomes an extension of the person who made it a thing to undoubtedly become so much more than it was ever intended to be. But most importantly, a catchphrase, from the frivolous to the profound, always embodies the simple expression of some of the most complex ideals. And the really good ones have the power to influence lives.