Tag: parenting

We are all parents today

Elizabeth Banak

There is no evil in this world quite like the kind that hurts children. It’s unspeakable what happened today in Texas and what has happened all too often in a society that clearly has something that ails it. There isn’t much to say that makes sense of this evil. It’s tough not to question why. It’s hard not to put God on the spot and ask why this evil is allowed to live among us. But it does, and we are left to confront it with our hope and faith that there is something redeemable about humanity. God willing, that hope is not in vain and that faith is one day rewarded. Unfortunately, the usual suspects will shortly begin exploiting this tragedy for their own gain before these victims are even buried. Then the blaming will start and, before long, these dead children will be pawns in a political game with no winners, but an entire society of losers who got stuck playing a game they never wanted. But before that happens, I am hoping people can come together in shared mourning of this senseless evil. Whether or not we have children, we are all parents today. 

There are no words of comfort to bring to those parents who have lost their children in such a tragic and senseless way. Their pain is unimaginable. Their suffering is immeasurable. But if there is one thing we can do to honor those who died, it isn’t to lay blame anywhere else than where it belongs or live in fear or anger. Instead, let’s remember that despite our differences, our precious children are always the best of us. We need to let their innocence, blind trust, and unconditional love be the things that drive us every day to be the best version of ourselves. It may mean instead of anger and division, we lead with kindness and shared understanding that but for the grace of God, it could be any one of us living that hell today. It won’t bring that those that were taken, but it may just show us all that perhaps our society isn’t as broken as it seems. Maybe it will be a remarkable first step in helping heal those hearts that are broken tonight. Perhaps we can humble ourselves so that instead of thinking we have all the answers, we work through our children to help make our little corner of the world a little brighter, a little more hopeful, a little more understanding, and, if we are a lucky, a lot less like we feel today. 

May we all send prayers for healing and hope to all those who suffered such a terrible loss today. May God bring eternal peace to those departed souls and grant the rest of us the strength and wisdom to make the world they left behind a better place in any way we can. And may we find the courage to be grateful for our blessings and the hope to carry on to a better tomorrow.

The one with the Mother’s Day Reflection

Elizabeth Banak

In a chaotic, scary, and often broken world, it’s tough to go through it without a mom still around to be that guiding light. Even as a grown woman with my own children, I will always pine for those days of waking up on Mother’s Day, hoping to make my ‌mom feel special. That probably won’t ever go away, but when I see my children getting up with that same excitement and energy, I know how truly blessed I am, even if I have to say Happy Mother’s Day to a headstone. But that’s the thing about Mom’s. The good ones never truly leave us. They live on in their children and grandchildren as a continuous reminder that a Mom is sometimes more than just a person. Sometimes a mom is a legacy built on years of endless love and support that lives on long after they are gone. And while I can’t say I parent the exact same way my mother did (let’s face it, the 80’s and 90’s were just a different time!), I truly hope that I have taken the best parts of her guidance, patience, love, and selflessness and passed them on to my own kids. 

Being without a mom on Mother’s Day makes me endlessly thankful to be surrounded by so many amazing moms from whom I draw strength daily. These women, my sisters and sister-in-laws, mother-in-law, friends, aunts, cousins, and coworkers, are all a beacon of hope and light in a world that doesn’t have enough of either. None of us are perfect. As moms, we are often ‌so afraid of what we may be screwing up that we easily forget all things we are doing right. May we learn to take cues on our success not from what society says, but from those who know the fruits of our labor. Today we should look into our children’s eyes and see in them what they see in us. Not the sum total of all our failures, but the outright certainty of all our success! We aren’t all doing it the same and we don’t all have the same vices or virtues. But the thing that binds us together is unconditional love for the children who can sometimes stretch our patience and sanity, but for whom we’d still lay down our lives. Motherhood is also definitely a sisterhood, and I am blessed to be part of it with so many exceptional women.

So, once again I wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there. No matter which one you are, and I suspect we all might be a bit of everything, I wish you all the love and support that every mom deserves today and always!

To the Perfect Mom: You exist in your own imagination and boy, are you amazing!

To the Perfectly Average Mom: You may or may not pack the perfect lunch or say the perfect thing every time, but you’re pretty sure the kids will survive just fine either way.

To the Endlessly Energetic Mom: You never met a project you didn’t volunteer for, and other moms often look at you in wonder and say, “Damn!”

To the Worrier Mom: You cringe every time your littles walk out the front door because the world is a scary place. 

To the Yeller Mom: You’re seen, you’re for sure heard (especially in the summer with the windows open), and you don’t mind if people know that sometimes those kids you’d lay down your life for can be real assholes! 

To the Worn Out Mom: You are tired as hell but still kill it day after day for your family because that’s just who you are and you couldn’t stop even if you tried. 

To the Endlessly Patient Mom: No matter what, you always seem to have poise, grace, and understanding in any situation, and who other moms look at and say, “Ha, yeah maybe in another life I could be that amazing!”

To the Nice Mom: You don’t get angry about bad grades as long as the kids tried their best, you will help clean up messes you had no part in making, and you always understand (even if it means you have to bite your tongue clear off!). 

To the Mean Mom: No one wants to be you, but let’s be honest, you are pretty much the bedrock of ordered society!

To the Judgmental Mom: Because, well, sometimes you just can’t help it!

To the Non-judgmental Mom: Because, thankfully, sometimes you see the struggle and can say, “Yep, been there!”

To the Mom Too New to Know Yet: Godspeed and God Bless on your journey to self-discovery!

The one about Father’s Day!

Elizabeth Banak

Father’s Day is always marked with endless ads that remind us that real dads use tools, grill stuff, and for some reason (at least according to the marketing team at Home Depot and Lowe’s) really want a parade of yard gadgets just seem like an awful lot of work! Ha, I guess that’s the price you pay for the privilege of being a dad! You pretend to love the power tool while secretly wondering what the hell you’re ever going to do with it. 

But in truth, Father’s Day will always be about so much more than gifts or cards. I make no overstatement when I say that Father’s Day is a time to celebrate some of the most important men in the world. The men who are always putting others before themselves in a brilliant attempt to show their children what it means to be a good human. Because before any man can be a great father, he must first be a good man. And those good men that choose to be the father’s that we celebrate today are one of the great pillars that hold our households together, our neighborhoods together, and our society together. They hold our children’s lives together with wisdom, love, and understanding. They may not always know what they are doing, and they may not get everything right all the time. But that’s part of the wonder that makes dad’s so special. Even though they are often imperfect, father’s are never more perfect than in the eyes of their children who look up to them only to see a hero, a protector, and a good man. Happy Father’s day to all the amazing dads out there who show up day in and day out to be a man their children can look up to, love, and respect. May you be blessed enough to one day have the privilege of hearing your children telling your grandchildren just how lucky they were to have the most amazing dad ever!

The one about Mom Magic!

Elizabeth Banak

My seven year old is pretty convinced I possess mom magic. And while I may not rival Dr. Strange or Elsa, I challenge anyone else to explain how a scrape that hurt so bad thirty seconds ago was miraculously made better after a simple massage and a kiss on the knee (no wasted bandaids here!). Or how I have “magic” vitamins, which are really just fruit snacks, that can pretty instantly cure most ailments. The answer, mom magic. It’s a force so strong that there are times I’m not convinced I don’t have some unnatural powers! That is, until I realize mom magic is simply a natural consequence of unconditional love.

There is no blind trust greater in this world than the trust a child places in those who care for him or her. There is no greater tribute as a parent than a child whose faith in you is so strong, that it can take away literal pain. And to think about it in those terms, it almost takes my breath away. As parents we are sometimes so afraid of what we may be screwing up, that we often forget all things we are doing right. Maybe we yell too much. Maybe we aren’t as patient as we ought to be. Maybe we spend too much time on our phones. There are probably endless ways we fail everyday, especially at this ridiculous time in history. But in those failures lies the heart of every good parent just trying to do their best. That’s not to say we shouldn’t strive to be better, but take cues on your success from those who know the fruits of your labor. Look into your children’s eyes as they ask you for help, or to cuddle, or how to do something and see in them what they see in you. Not the sum total of all your failure, but the outright certainty of all your success! 

Mom magic is real as far as I can tell. It’s as real as any love that’s ever healed, comforted, laughed, cried, and yes, yelled! It’s as real as any child who believes in the outright goodness of a life they have yet to truly appreciate, but who still somehow understands the true value of unconditional love. And it’s as real as any parent who wakes up everyday to a world that is waiting for them to fail and who decides to tune out that noise and look inward at the life that’s telling them that they are absolutely crushing it! Because if there is one thing I know, mom magic never lies!