Tag: perspective

Naive Hope Springs Eternal

Elizabeth Banak

In years past, when I have reflected on 9/11, it has always felt like the best and worst of what it means to be an American — unimaginable pain, but also extraordinary bravery. We rose to meet the challenge together, bound by grief, yes, but also by hope. We cried for the dead, we honored the heroes like Todd Beamer and those many first responders who gave their lives, and for a moment, we saw each other not as strangers or enemies, but as fellow citizens. We saw one another as humans in need of comfort, action, and love. It’s always given me hope. 

But it today feels different. And I guess it has for a long time now.

Children are being killed in churches, who are then mocked for praying. Innocent people, like Iryna Zarutska, are murdered on trains while people do nothing to help. Charlie Kirk, inarguably one of the most transformative political figures of a generation, wasassassinated in broad daylight, and the news of which in some circles was met with celebration and ridicule. All this happens while the divide between us grows wider, the anger louder, the violence more frequent. Something in our culture, in the very fabric that holds this nation together, is broken. I don’t know whether it’s a lack of shared American values, the influence of social media, the inability to see those we disagree with as anything other than evil, the decline of God in our culture… I guess it’s all those things. But we are not the same Americans who came together after 9/11. And that breaks my heart.

Because I still believe that a better America is in us. I have to believe it, even if it is naïve, because the alternative is…too terrible to imagine. But we’ve buried it under outrage, cynicism, fear, and tribalism. We’ve forgotten how to grieve together, how to disagree with decency, how to love our country and each other, even when we fall short.

There’s no undoing the tragedy of 9/11. There’s no undoing just the last month of tragedies! Nothing can bring back what we lost — not only the lives but the piece of our collective soul that seems to be gone. If we want to be better, we have to do better. We have tohonor the courage we saw — the courage to serve others, even at the cost of one’s life. We must respect and honor the selflessness of people like Todd Beamer, who knew his life would end, but acted anyway to save others. And beyond that, we can agree that anyone should be able to speak freely without fear of an assassin’s bullet. We can agree that everyone should be free to worship in God’s house and not have to justify their prayers at their worst moment. We can agree that action in service of others in need is a noble goal, not a fool’s errand. These all should be the most vaunted of American values. 

I don’t have the same optimism I once did. I feel more sorrow than hope today. But I do still believe that we can be more than what we’ve become — if we’re willing to be honest, to look inward, to speak out, and to choose hope over fear. To disagree without hate.To call out what is wrong and to do what is right and just. To have faith with works. To live lives of virtue and honor. To celebrate the best of us, just as we did after 9/11. And to tell those who laugh, mock, trade in violence, and stoke division to sit down and shut the hell up! 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Celebrating America with Gratitude

Elizabeth Banak

I’ve been quiet on social media over the past year as my family and I focused on being there for my dad during the most difficult chapter of his life. His fight has ended, and losing him has left an ache I can’t fully put into words. But in the midst of that loss, my gratitude—for life, for freedom, for this country—has only grown deeper.

Every year on the Fourth of July, I feel a profound sense of gratitude for the privilege of calling myself an American. So many fought and sacrificed everything so that we could live in liberty, and with that privilege comes a responsibility: to ensure that freedom endures for my children, and for generations to come.

It’s the reason I write about Independence Day every year. Because in whatever way we can—through our words, our work, our example—we all share a duty to uphold the blessings of liberty. And today especially, I’m reminded of how much my dad loved this country, not for its politicians, but for opportunity it provided for him and his family to live the American dream. Honoring that love feels like the least I can do.

This day is not just about fireworks or flags. It’s about remembering those who dared to dream of something better, who risked everything to sign a declaration that defied the world’s greatest empire. They knew freedom didn’t come from a king. With firm reliance on divine Providence, they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to the cause of liberty, self-reliance, and limited government. America’s founding wasn’t perfect, but the principles laid out in July of 1776 made greatness possible.

The continued price of our freedom is eternal vigilance. Let not history remember our generation as the one that let it slip away. Today we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence for providing those first principles that still matter today. Those are the ideas – liberty, self-reliance, unalienable rights, sacred honor- that make the 4th of July worth celebrating “with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever.” 

So today, I celebrate. I remember. And I recommit myself to the values that built this country and to the people, like my father, who never stopped believing in them.

Happy Independence Day!

#IndependenceDay #Gratitude #Honor #InMemory #FourthOfJuly #Freedom

Holding the World in Your Heart

Elizabeth Banak

In a chaotic, scary, and often broken world, it’s tough to go through it without a mom still around to be that guiding light. Even as a grown woman with my own children, I will always pine for those days of waking up on Mother’s Day, hoping to make my ‌mom feel special. That probably won’t ever go away, but when I see my children getting up with that same excitement and energy, I know how truly blessed I am, even if I have to say Happy Mother’s Day to a headstone. But that’s the thing about Moms. The good ones never truly leave us. They live on in their children and grandchildren as a continuous reminder that a Mom is more than just a person. She is a legacy built on years of endless love and support that lives on long after she is gone.

Being without a mom on Mother’s Day makes me endlessly thankful to be surrounded by so many amazing moms from whom I draw strength daily. These women are all a beacon of hope and light in a world that doesn’t have enough of either. None of us are perfect. As moms, we are often ‌so afraid of what we may be screwing up that we easily forget all things we are doing right. May we learn to take cues on our success not from what society says, but from those who know the fruits of our labor. Today we should look into our children’s eyes and see in them what they see in us. Not the sum total of all our failures, but the outright certainty of all our success! We aren’t all doing it the same. But the thing that binds us together is unconditional love for the children who can sometimes stretch our patience and sanity, but for whom we’d still lay down our lives. Motherhood is also definitely a sisterhood, and I am blessed to be part of it with so many exceptional women.

So, once again I wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there. No matter which one you are, and I suspect we all might be a bit of everything, I wish you all the love and support that every mom deserves today and always!

To the Perfect Mom: You exist in your own imagination and, boy, are you amazing!

To the Perfectly Average Mom: You may or may not pack the perfect lunch or say the perfect thing every time, but you’re pretty sure the kids will survive just fine either way.

To the Endlessly Energetic Mom: You never met a project you didn’t volunteer for, and other moms often look at you in wonder and say, “Damn!”

To the Worrier Mom: You cringe every time your littles walk out the front door because the world is a scary place. 

To the Yeller Mom: You’re seen, you’re for sure heard (especially in the summer with the windows open), and you don’t mind if people know that sometimes those kids you’d lay down your life for can be real assholes! 

To the Worn Out Mom: You are tired as hell but still kill it day after day for your family because that’s just who you are and you couldn’t stop even if you tried. 

To the Endlessly Patient Mom: No matter what, you always seem to have poise, grace, and understanding in any situation, and who other moms look at and say, “Ha, yeah maybe in another life I could be that amazing!”

To the Nice Mom: You don’t get angry about bad grades as long as the kids tried their best, you will help clean up messes you had no part in making, and you always understand (even if it means you have to bite your tongue clear off!). 

To the Mean Mom: No one wants to be you, but let’s be honest, you are pretty much the bedrock of ordered society!

To the Judgmental Mom: Because, well, sometimes you just can’t help it!

To the Non-judgmental Mom: Because, thankfully, sometimes you see the struggle and can say, “Yep, been there!”

To the Mom Too New to Know Yet: Godspeed and God Bless on your journey to self-discovery!

Let the Holy Anthem Rise!

Elizabeth Banak

“For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, so that everyone who believes in Him might not perish, but might have eternal life.” John 3:16

Easter is the holiest and most blessed day of the year for Christians across the globe. It’s the day that Christ defeated death and in doing so, saved the world from sin and misery. We’ve heard the story preached a thousand different times, and it should never fail to remind us just what God sacrificed for humanity.

God sent His son to die to save a world that could never and would never be able to repay that sacrifice. He watched His son suffer for a world that continuously rejected Him, turned on Him, and proved over and over how unworthy we were of being saved. That’s the depth of God’s love for humanity. It’s a love we don’t always deserve and a debt that, even though we are called daily to try, we can never fully repay.

Easter, stripped down to its core, is eternal hope. It is the ultimate desire for that which is good and right. And that hope is the only reason humanity can succeed. Hope is the whole reason we strive to be better and do better. Hope is the beacon lighting the way to the future. Hope is Christ, and it is the greatest gift humanity has ever been given. No, we don’t deserve it. But that’s what makes it truly miraculous. God gave it to us anyways knowing how we would fail. Knowing how we would fall short. Knowing how we might lose our way. He knew all this and still somehow said, “they’re worth it!” I often think, “are we?”

But, as much as it may not seem like it at times, we are worth it. Not because I say so or anyone else says so, but because God said so. To believe it, look no further than Jesus on the cross. Look no further than the empty tomb. Look no further than the light inside every Christian faithful who knows and believes. We may not deserve what we’ve been given, but we are worthy of it nonetheless. Remember that today of all days when sin and death were conquered with love and sacrifice. It’s the least we can do in humble and eternal gratitude for the salvation and hope we were all given on this day.

Happy and Blessed Easter to all!!!

“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.” – Pope John Paul II

Remember that thing you did that one time?

Elizabeth Banak

“You pretty okay too.” Mr. Miyagi – The Karate Kid

I don’t think it is a secret that most authors don’t get into writing as a way to make money. If that’s the assumption, I can tell you plainly it’s a tough way to make a buck! Most of us just want to tell a good story… a story worth reading that, when it’s put down, the reader can sigh and say, “Well, I really enjoyed that!” That’s really all that most of us want out of this journey, to just know that what we’ve put out in the world helped make someone else’s life a little brighter. It’s a pretty simple dream.

But sometimes I forget that stories have the power to do so much more than entertain us. They have the power to change our perspective, to make us think, to open our minds to new possibilities. I guess I just never thought my little story would have the power to do that for someone else. So, imagine my surprise when I opened my email the other day only to see a message from a reader, a woman I do not know and have never before met, who came upon a copy of my book. She read it and took the time to message me about how it impacted her. She said it made her think of things in her own life that she needed to face from past grief. My heart about stopped when I read her message through teary eyes. And of course what made it so special was the fact that I do not know this woman – we owe one another nothing – but she took the time out of her day to track me down and send this message to an unknown, untested author so that she could express what it meant to her.  It was an incredible gift to receive for a writer. Literally the highest compliment. 

In the past several days since this happened, I have been thinking about the courage it takes to let someone know they’ve impacted you. To let someone know that something they have said or done has left its mark in a positive way on your life. It’s a humbling thing to admit sometimes that we are not an island unto ourselves in this world. We all need inspiration, perspective, guidance, and the feeling that we are not alone in our struggles. 

I guess the point of this story is, you will go through this life and 99 out of a 100 times you won’t know whose lives you are touching with your kindness or creativity or humor or intelligence or compassion or whatever other gift you bring to this world everyday because most people won’t come out and tell you. They may not even realize your impact until much later in life when they look back and remember you fondly. But the important thing is not that they come out to tell you how great you are, it is to keep using your gifts in whatever way you can to be a beacon of light for others regardless of the credit you receive for it. What better feeling can there be than to live a life knowing that by being the best version of yourself, you are also helping others in a way you may never know. And if by some chance you do find out, be grateful and humbly remember all those who did the same for you. 

Dance with the ones that brought you

Elizabeth Banak

This week I got the opportunity to sit down and meet with someone from my past who I hadn’t seen in 25 years. This person was a beloved high school teacher who, by nature of his passion and dedication to writing and teaching, was someone I was honored to acknowledge in my book as an inspiration. It’s almost surreal to sit down and catch up after 25 years, but it was an experience that made me humble and grateful to remember someone who has touched my life, even many years later.

People come and go out of our lives for many reasons. Sometimes we may not ever remember they were there in the first place. But for those who touched our lives in a meaningful way, that shaped part of who we are and how we see ourselves, there will always be a part of our heart that is touched by their kindness and inspiration. And it’s that memory that can go a long way in helping someone realize that they can see in themselves what others see in them and be inspired to do great things because of it.

Sometimes those people encouraging us may be ones we haven’t spoken to in years. But the memory of our time with them is enough to help keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. That’s the power of human relationships… often they transcend time. 

In whatever time we have with the people in our lives, there is always the opportunity to be someone special that a person might remember many years later with fondness. In the expansive darkness that often colors our world, sometimes we must supply our own bright light… and if we are lucky, we will get to share that light with others who need it too. And if we are really lucky, they might just remember that kindness many years later when they really need it. It’s never too late to remember those who’ve inspired and helped us on whatever journey we’ve been on.

Make Someone Cry

Elizabeth Banak

In a way that has absolutely nothing to do with my actual book, I have to say I was not prepared to publish it. I was not prepared for what it would mean for my life. I was not prepared for what it would teach me about myself and about the people that I surround myself with. I expected people to be happy for me. I expected my friends and family to rally around me. But what I did not expect is the degree to which those things happened and the extent to which it would affect me. To say I have never been a crier would be accurate… I’ve never been one for emotional outbursts, minus the occasional road rage ramblings behind many a slow Toyota driver. But in the past several days, as I’ve readied my book launch, I’ve legit cried every day. I haven’t cried this much since my mother passed away 12 years ago. But perhaps it’s fitting that as I finished the final step of what I promised her over a decade ago that I would end it with tears. Only this time, they are not tears of sadness, but tears of happiness.

They say you find out a lot about the people in your life when something bad happens. Were they there for you? Did they call you? Did they ask how you were doing? But I’d posit that you can find out the same in the good times too. When people show up for you, whether expected or unexpected, even in good times, it can mean the world. I’ve always known I have great friends and family. So it should not be surprising that they would all rally around me at this moment. But it isn’t the shock that has me emotional, it’s the fact that even though I should have expected it, I was still unprepared for it. Or at the very least unprepared to realize what it would all mean to me. Which is absolutely everything wonderful that words can not express adequately. Hence, the happy tears.

This is not about book sales. I couldn’t tell you how many books I’ve sold since launching because I haven’t looked as of this writing. It’s about being given a reminder of how blessed I am. And how grateful I am for the people in my life. I hope it can serve as a reminder to not only be grateful for those in your life who you know would show up for you in good times and bad, but also as a reminder to be that person for someone else. Be the reason someone smiles or cries tears of joy.

Let’s Roll: A 9/11 Tribute

Elizabeth Banak

Are you ready? Okay. Let’s roll! ~Todd Beamer

“Let’s roll!” Those were pretty simple words uttered by a man who, like any other on that September morning, woke up to nothing out of the ordinary. He did not know what would befall him or the rest of the country. Todd Beamer would lose his life, but in doing so, he and the other passengers on United 93 would save countless others in their stunning act of bravery and sacrifice. So many others would do the same. And while there is no discounting the tragedy of 9/11, there is comfort in remembering all those people who answered the call of courage in service to their fellow man, regardless of the costs to themselves.

When I reflect on that sacrifice, I am confident that despite the horror of that day, 9/11 represents the best of what it means to be an American. It was a day that we rose to meet the challenges we faced together, as one nation in shared grief and the hope of a better tomorrow. We honored those who gave their lives and all the victims who never had a chance.  

There’s no undoing the tragedy. We can’t turn back the hands of time. But we can continue to learn from it and remember it with proper perspective for what we lost and eternal gratitude for what we gained. The perspective comes from thinking about the horror each victim, each survivor, each first responder faced that morning and realizing it could have been anyone of us just as easily. The gratitude is bestowed on those who did what needed to be done, some forfeiting their own lives. Their sacrifice reminds us that those people did and still do exist in the world and we are damn lucky that so many of them live, and sometimes die, with unyielding courage in service to their fellow man. 

Hopefully, for the many Americans who commemorate Patriot Day, we can all remember that something wonderful can be born out of even the worst tragedy, but only if we have the perspective and wisdom to realize it and the gratitude to help us harness it and hold on to it forever. Remember the victims. Honor the heroes. And love your fellow Americans. Let’s Roll! God bless America now and always!

Failure is always an option

Elizabeth Banak

“Sorry fellas, I’m afraid you’re just too darn loud.” Band judge, Back to the Future

Any goal or dream we strive for in life incurs the possibility of failure, and that failure can come in many forms. Whether it’s that project we screwed up at work or a childhood dream we never realized, failure never feels good. It’s an all too real representation that sometimes, no matter how hard we try at life, we just aren’t good enough. At least that’s the lesson so many take from failure. We say, “I did my best”… but then you know what they say, “losers always whine about their best.” That’s undoubtedly true. And sometimes being that loser is inevitable, even if we did offer our best. 

I’ve tried for over two years to land representation with an agent to get my book published. It’s been over two years of edits, query letters, research, hope, despair, and rejection. I’ve faced the dismal odds I know exist for someone like me to make it in the publishing world, and I can say with certainty that I didn’t beat those odds. I’m not the “all it takes is one yes” success story. I’m the “this isn’t the right fit for me” or the “I’m going to pass on this, but best of luck, blah, blah, blah” story. I’ve spent years waiting for someone to see in my writing what I do, that it’s good. And that I belong there. Ultimately, I failed. It’s humbling…and maybe even embarrassing. I failed and everyone knew I was trying. 

But a funny thing happened on my road of rejection. Far from the total dejection I fearfully expected, I’ve never now been more confident in my abilities. Not because I’m a moron who can’t see the writing on the wall that all seems to be telling me the same thing, “You’re not good enough.” But because each one made me work harder, do better, learn more, and ultimately to become better at my craft than I was before I started this journey. Every single one was an opportunity to take a good long look at myself and say, “Your best isn’t good enough anymore, so what else ya got?” And what I had was resilience, perseverance, and in an unexpected twist, the confidence to not only course correct and go on, but to ultimately change course altogether. 

Because here’s the funny thing about failure… unless it sticks, it’s just another bump or detour in the road. That road may not be leading you to the place you started off wanting to go. But those detours can be just as great, if only you learn from that path behind you. Failure is only failure once you give in. Failure is only failure if it kills your determination and drive. Plowing through the failure is hard, humbling, and ultimately somewhat soul crushing. But it’s also part of every journey that’s ultimately going somewhere incredibly meaningful.

So, now, I do this my way. I go out on my own and my success or failure will be all mine, and either way, it will be one of the most exciting and meaningful experiences of my life. My writing, my hard work, my determination, and my love for my craft will drive me to the destination of a journey I’ve been on since childhood. And I’ll get there. Not because I haven’t failed, but ultimately because I have, over and over again, to bring myself to this moment in time. And I could not be more excited and more ready than ever to make my mom proud! 

It’s okay to be afraid to fail. It’s okay to have self doubt. It’s okay to have moments when you want to give up. But always keep going, even if it means you limp along for a bit. Always persevere even in the face of failure and rejection, because that’s when it means the most. That’s when it will be most rewarding, when you have to dig deep to keep moving forward, change course, and push through. Whatever the end ultimately brings, I’ll bet you won’t find yourself saying, “Hey, you know I wish I hadn’t tried so hard.” Instead you’ll be saying, “Damn, it feels good to know that I at least had the courage to try at all!” 

The one about Judgment

Elizabeth Banak

Why are you the way that you are? – Michael Scott

What is the dumbest thing you judge other people for? Mine: people who have their windshield wipers on at a rate not commensurate with how hard it’s raining. Wtf people?! How do you handle the constant back and forth of dry, soul sucking scraping as the wipers protest furiously gliding across nearly dry glass as they squeak and streak in agony during a light drizzle and yet somehow not realize relief from the suffering is only a switch away?? I’ll never understand. There are varied settings for a reason! 

But all joking aside, the point of thinking of the absolute dumbest reason to judge another person is to hit home the fact that everyone does it. It’s part of human nature. And to be honest, not all judgment is bad and we make those types of judgments every day, some to our everlasting advantage. Judgment saves lives, judgment creates well-being. Judgment means we make choices that benefit us. And yes, sometimes that judgment is about people. The point being that judging people isn’t always bad on its face. The fact isn’t that we judge others, it’s what that judgment tells us about ourselves that’s important. Judgment tells us what we value more than it tells us what we don’t value in another person. 

Most people judge because it’s easy. It’s easy to form an intent without facts, it’s easy to say “oh I’d never do that!” It’s easy to claim the moral high ground when you have no idea what motivates the other side. Judgment draws a line between people of right and wrong, good and bad, virtuous or not… which are the wrong things to focus on. Your judgment might tell you about the type of people you want in your life, or a thing you’d never do that someone else did. But what it doesn’t do is reflect on the person you are judging. Our judgment only ever reflects on us. It’s what we value, where we draw a line, what we would do or not do. Sometimes that judgment may reflect well on us, and other times, maybe not so much. That’s not to say judgment without understanding is a good thing. And that’s not to say being more judgmental is a good thing. It’s to hit home the fact that there’s a time and place for judgment about people and we all know the line. But in a world where people are now judged for literally everything they do, even sometimes from years ago, now is a good time to remind ourselves that most of the old adages are still true about walking in others shoes or living in glass houses and casting stones. Not because rash judgment makes us hypocrites, but because often we don’t know what the hell we are talking about. 

It’s easy to judge people as degenerate morons because they irritate us or disagree with us. In some ways, it’s therapeutic in the same way that everyone thinks they are the best driver in the world while everyone else is basically a plague on humanity behind the wheel. It’s a self-esteem booster. And especially in the age of COVID, hyper-partisan politics, and social media, it gets easier and easier to claim you have the moral high-ground, the scientific superiority, or the more virtuous heart. 

It’s also easier to make a snap judgment about someone, thereby dismissing them completely, than to try to understand them. Understanding takes time. It takes communication. It takes opening your mind to the fact that there are opinions, feelings, and values other than what you may hold dear. And what’s even scarier is the prospect that you may find out you haven’t been right all along! And even if you don’t come away in agreement, because chances are you won’t, it’s still a lot harder to judge someone once you’ve understood what drives them. 

So to all the degenerate windshield wiper users out there, my humblest apologies. I can’t promise you won’t annoy me next time I drive in the rain, but perhaps I’ll rethink my conclusion that the whole of your existence is measured by the timing of your wiper blades.