In a way that has absolutely nothing to do with my actual book, I have to say I was not prepared to publish it. I was not prepared for what it would mean for my life. I was not prepared for what it would teach me about myself and about the people that I surround myself with. I expected people to be happy for me. I expected my friends and family to rally around me. But what I did not expect is the degree to which those things happened and the extent to which it would affect me. To say I have never been a crier would be accurate… I’ve never been one for emotional outbursts, minus the occasional road rage ramblings behind many a slow Toyota driver. But in the past several days, as I’ve readied my book launch, I’ve legit cried every day. I haven’t cried this much since my mother passed away 12 years ago. But perhaps it’s fitting that as I finished the final step of what I promised her over a decade ago that I would end it with tears. Only this time, they are not tears of sadness, but tears of happiness.
They say you find out a lot about the people in your life when something bad happens. Were they there for you? Did they call you? Did they ask how you were doing? But I’d posit that you can find out the same in the good times too. When people show up for you, whether expected or unexpected, even in good times, it can mean the world. I’ve always known I have great friends and family. So it should not be surprising that they would all rally around me at this moment. But it isn’t the shock that has me emotional, it’s the fact that even though I should have expected it, I was still unprepared for it. Or at the very least unprepared to realize what it would all mean to me. Which is absolutely everything wonderful that words can not express adequately. Hence, the happy tears.
This is not about book sales. I couldn’t tell you how many books I’ve sold since launching because I haven’t looked as of this writing. It’s about being given a reminder of how blessed I am. And how grateful I am for the people in my life. I hope it can serve as a reminder to not only be grateful for those in your life who you know would show up for you in good times and bad, but also as a reminder to be that person for someone else. Be the reason someone smiles or cries tears of joy.
Elizabeth Banak Books 